Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Disgusting Human Being Alert

The below discussion about a sex offender may be VERY VERY triggering.  Please feel free to skip this post.  I wanted to share my thoughts as a survivor of sexual assault.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Text from an old news article.  She was eventually convicted, which we will get to in a minute.

A former [REDACTED] High School teacher is accused of having sex with a teenage student. Prosecutors say the teacher is a woman. The alleged victim was a 17-year old boy.

[REDACTED], 33, is charged with second-degree rape in the case. Prosecutors say she was the boy's computer teacher at [REDACTED] High School when they had sex earlier this year at her home in [REDACTED].

[REDACTED] County Assistant DA [REDACTED] says his office first learned about the situation in [REDACTED ]after getting a letter from the Department of Human Services. "The superintendent of schools related that there were allegations of sexual misconduct from one of their teachers," [REDACTED] said.

According to court records, the boy was 17 last March. He says [REDACTED] offered to buy him cigarettes and alcohol if he would come to her home in [REDACTED] and have sex with her. He says he did.

Back at school, the boy says [REDACTED] would make him sit beside her at a table and she would rub her foot up and down his legs. If he tried to move, he says she would get mad.

Prosecutors say the boy is now 18 and didn't report the incident until almost six months after the fact. "The alleged victim in this case felt bad about what happened between the teacher and himself, that's when he came forward," [REDACTED] said.

The teen also told the [REDACTED] Police Chief that he didn't want [REDACTED] to do this to another student. But in the same report, a 16-year-old boy says [REDACTED] text messaged him and said, "what's up, i don't think you can handle it." The teen says she was referring to sex.

He claims he later went to [REDACTED]'s home and had sex with her in the her living room, while her kids were sleeping upstairs.

Right now no charges are filed in connection with this teen's statement to police, although prosecutors say their investigation continues.

Under state law, [REDACTED] says it's illegal for high school teachers to have sex with students ages 16 through 20. He says it falls under 2nd-degree rape. "It's a position of authority, a position of trust. Parents should not have to worry about teachers acting as sexual predators around their children or students," [REDACTED] said.

SO.  Convicted sex offender.  And, we may ask ourselves, how does SHE feel about it?

On a now-protected page on her personal blog, she details her hapless odyssey (and I am using THAT word specifically) through the buffeting force of other people's actions.  Her doctor incorrectly prescribed something.  A nurse gave her bad information.  The administration of the school let her get away with crazy behavior.

In her own words, her feelings regarding her culpability for having raped two people (emphases mine):

Every year I have to get my driver’s license renewed with the words VIOLENT OFFENDER in red across my picture. Can you even imagine what it feels like to have to show that to people every time that I rent a movie, use my credit card, or write a check? Every single day I think about what has happened to me, sometimes all day long. It’s the very first thing that I think of every morning and the last thing that I think of when I go to sleep at night. I have nightmares about the police coming to take me away and ones about DHS trying to take my children from me. I am basically viewed as a monster by society and live in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from.

I am sorry that I wasn’t a very good teacher and that I thought that I had to be friends with everybody (to the point of basically stalking them). I didn’t really do much as a teacher and somebody should have said something about it long before I resigned. Maybe the education system would be a lot better, if administrators stopped letting teachers get away with behavior like mine. I never should have talked to students outside of the classroom (on the phone, text messages, or chatting on the computer). I never should have asked students to babysit or to come to my children’s birthday parties. Derek thought that it was a bad idea from the beginning, but I wouldn’t listen. The meds and the alcohol had my thinking so messed up that I really did think that I was friends with my students. I should have been fired after the first year for the way that I was acting. A teacher should never talk about their personal life with students and he or she surely shouldn’t be involved in the personal lives of students. I am so sorry for getting involved in their lives.

My kids have asked me so many times why those people said what they did about me. I can’t tell them the whole truth and have tried to shelter them from all of this as much as possible. I struggle with the “why” of all of this a lot, but I have to remind myself that they probably never thought that it would go this far. Sometimes I wish that they had said something to me beforehand and given me the chance to walk away, but in the back of my mind I know that it took me getting arrested to see how I was really acting and that anything less than that wouldn’t have gotten me off of the drugs and alcohol. It was the “slap in the face” that I needed.


Now, for anyone reading who doesn't know:  I was a virgin when I was raped by my first boyfriend at fourteen.  Try to imagine what having THAT be your first sexual experience does to the rest of your life.  Two years later my ex-boyfriend wanted to be my friend, and when he brought it up to me in between class periods he released himself from his culpability by saying that it had been "an immature relationship all around" as he made an oval gesture with his hands, motioning first at me and then to himself.  I mustered up all the courage in my kneejerkingly-polite spirit and told him that no, I didn't think it was possible for us to be friends.

I'm not going to say he ruined my life, because I have a fantastic life with a husband, a dog, a gorgeous house, good friends and family, and a fun future to work toward.  But I don't think anyone can argue that my life would be a LOT better if someone I trusted hadn't stomped all over my boundaries, terrorized me and violated me, and then turned it around to make it my fault.  I have overcome, but my life would be even more fantastic without me crying as I carved self-hating words into my upper arms (so no one would see), without barely-overcome thoughts of suicide, without panic attacks caused by flashbacks.  So.  You know.

This bitch can shove it up her ass.

1 comment:

Love ALWAYS,anonymous said...

I, too, feel guilt in this crime against you. I'm crying now. I am so sorry Jennie.