WATERPROOOOOOOF MAKEUUUUUUUUUP!!!

I now want to try everything listed here, especially the MUFE color.

http://manolobig.com/2010/12/28/five-great-long-lasting-waterproof-products/

Sorry for the Lack

I know that everyone's really excited about my new butter dish, but I also know I have been horribly neglecting this blog.  That's because I've been blogstalking Alice at Finslippy.  Her son is now eight, and I have read back 125 pages and I'm reading about his adventures at age 2.  That's how hilarious she is - she's held my sole blog-reading attention for 125 pages.

A Tiny Smattering of the Christmas Gifts We Received

From Around the Interwebs

Cute: http://www.pajiba.com/miscellaneous/fruitcakes-whyd-it-have-to-be-fruitcakes-a-guide-to-holiday-etiquette-and-safety.php

My Gift To You

Originally found here.  PLEASE tell me those aren't its testes.  That it sleeps on.

Hmm...

I am having a little problem.  As you remember from yesterday's post, I have been up and down lately in a really annoying way.

The past few days, the dog has been making cranky noises at me.  Like almost growling but more like a whine.  And as I was walking around today getting things done, I started thinking that maybe he's sick!  Maybe he's about to die!  Maybe more of his teeth are abscessed!  Oh, man, if he dies right after I paid all that money to have his teeth pulled...he'd better live four more years at least.  But then what if I'm condemning him to a painful old age?  Maybe it's better if I don't try to love him too long and keep him here.  Oh, god, what am I going to do when he dies?

I don't think my Wellbutrin is working quite yet.

Wait, What? WTF?!!?!?

N.Korea says ready to fight "holy war" using nuclear deterrent (Reuters) - 23 minutes ago


Reuters - North Korea's minister of armed forces said on Thursday its military was prepared to wage a "holy war" against the South using its nuclear deterrent after what he called Seoul's attempt to i...


I'M SO MAD I CAN'T EVEN

THE TITLE ONLY EXCLUDES ACTUAL SWEARING IN CONSIDERATION FOR LESS-CURSY FRIENDS.

Go below the cut to hear my curse-filled, fully unvarnished opinion.

I Laughed, I Cried

Go read this.  It's the funniest description of a wedding I've ever heard.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/features/a_wheelie_special_wedding.shtml

Up and Down

I've been up and down lately.  And, as you know, I don't want to make this blog full of WAA-WAHHHH.  So I've been keeping it to myself.

Ups include a HUGE bonus that will jump-start our Roof Savings fund.  I know, I know, weren't we supposed to have one of those already?  But we are bad.  So I felt like a millionaire yesterday when I deposited my bonus check.  I feel virtuous, too, knowing that I'm going to use it for practical things instead of crap.

Downs include the gas bill, which I just received today.  That took away that millionaire feeling real quick.  But I turned the heat down a little, and plan on investing in at least one of those draft stopper things that are advertised on TV.  If I see them in a brick-and-mortar store.  The gas bill isn't excessive, but it's much bigger than last month and so feels horrible.

But I opened up my monthly budget spreadsheet and it turns out I only have to transfer $50 per pay back to the Bill Pay account to cover the stupid gas bill.  So that feels a lot less painful than looking at that huge number.

Also am trying to do a stupid gluten-free diet, which involves lots of strange adventures with weird hippie food.  Tonight I ate gluten-free macaroni and cheese.  Wasn't bad.  Better than a kick in the pants.

And my white cell count is a little high, so I went in this morning for a blood smear.  I'm not worried yet, so don't you worry either.  I'll keep you posted.

The good news is that it's almost Christmas!, we both have jobs, and we can afford salt for the sidewalk :)

Woo-ut Woo-ut! I'm Lizzie Bennet!

As aforementioned, I got Elizabeth Bennet.  Yeah buddy!

http://gretchenmcneil.blogspot.com/2010/12/which-jane-austen-character-are-you.html

Totally Unsolicited Product Review

This shit is the bomb-diggity.  I got the lipstain magic marker that my girl Drew Barrymore was selling, and that works great.  But THIS is friggin' unbelievable.  I put it on yesterday morning and reapplied at lunch, and it was still on this morning after going to a party last night.  Dude.  I got Twilight, which ended up being a bright dark red on me, so I'm going to try a different color.

Two words of caution: I would recommend exfoliating with a wet toothbrush first, and make sure you put it where you want it.  I accidentally went a little outside my lip line, and it was damn near impossible to get off.  It obviously stays best if you use the attached balm, but I tried using other stuff in an effort to lighten the color, and it didn't seem to reduce its efficacy too much.  Proof positive that drugstore makeup can be truly great.

PS:  The Rimmel Accelerator is utterly fantastic too.  VERY highly recommended.

Yes, Please

I am a teensy bit down today, so I thought that I would cheer myself up.  What should I get myself?  The gift that keeps on giving.

PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way to Go, Khlo!

All I am saying is this:  when Khloe looks the hottest, something is wrong.  Also: could they NOT have put the tallest people on the stairs?!??!

Christmas is Coming!

From an article on Jez, of course (even though I was hacked, I just can't quit you!):

"I am 26, my sister is a year younger and my mum is in her early 60s. If one of us found her stocking empty on Christmas morning it would KICK. OFF. We would burn down the tree and take to the streets. We'd storm the North Pole with pitchforks and torches. "Naughty List? Naughty List? You haven't even seen naughty yet!" God, I love Christmas. "

Miscellany

My mom's elbow surgery went well.  She was particularly happy with the drugs.

I washed my car yesterday.  I know this means I will be punished with precipitation, but I just couldn't take it anymore.  Hopefully this means I will be able to beat out the school bus that stops for fifteen minutes in the middle of a busy street every morning.  UPDATE:  AAAAAAAND IT'S SNOWING LIKE A MAD BASTARD.  THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN I GET A CAR WASH.

We have a big meeting at work this afternoon, and even after eight years I still worry about making sure I am representing the company properly in my dress and behavior.  Guess I got a double-dose of work ethic from my parents!

I am beyond ready for Christmas.  Where da presents?!?

My doctor wants me to go gluten-free for a few weeks.  Did you know that everything, even diet Coke, has gluten (it's in caramel color)?  Sadly, I ate eggs for breakfast this morning and have yet to be kicked in the gut from the inside.  So early results indicate that the doctor was right.  WAA-WAAAAAAAA.

Dude, I Frigging LOVE Paperless Post

Just sent e-Christmas cards (oops! Forgot someone! BRB!) and MAN! do I frigging love that Paperless Post.  Don't know if I'd do wedding invitations that way, but I think you can safely count on certain announcements coming from there.  If you want to sign up for Paperless Post and you want to contribute to my ability to send you e-cards in the future, use this link and I will get credit for you signing up.  Thx!!!

(This post written in e-language for humor.  Please trust that I still remember how to spell "thanks".)

Doesn't Have To Be Wedding Related!

Want a photo book?  Enter here!

You're A Rotter, Jennie Boo

I had a REALLY good idea for the Dooce camera giveaway, but it wasn't a true story that I would've been telling and I didn't want to be evil.  But I really, really wanted that camera.  My better nature won in the end, and I didn't enter.  And I have to say that I am very glad to see that the winning photo book was so unbelievably awesome that it would've totally blown mine out of the water:

http://www.dooce.com/2010/12/08/winner-dooce-2010-camera-giveaway

Worst Sticker EVER!

This was really, truly in the gas bill.  Honestly.  Are you kidding me with this?!?!  Of course, last night I saw a guy riding a children's bike backwards down a main street with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth in the dark, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that apparently Ohio has turned into the Twilight Zone.

Puritanical Hypocrites

I recently listened to The Wordy Shipmates read by the inimitable Ms. Vowell, and I immediately thought of our Pilgrim friends when I read this:

"...the usual dysfunctional chatter that punctuates holiday celebrations: newspaper articles about how not to “overindulge” at Christmas dinner (you eat it once a year! Dear lord, are we not allowed to just let loose and enjoy our food even once a year?)..."

No.  We are NEVER allowed to just let loose and enjoy our food!  That would make us un-American.  That would make us gluttonous.  That would make us fat.  That would make us lazy.  That would make us un-rigid.  That would make us FRENCH!  Or ITALIAN!  Or any other nationality which is generally considered to enjoy life.

E Repeta: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

HAH??

Not bad for thirty bucks, right?

Really?!

This is all I'm saying about this ad:

YES!

From here on A Practical Wedding:

"It’s as if they think the longer it takes to get engaged, the less he loves me, and the more delusional I am. Be kind to the pre-engaged and use this line instead: “I’m so happy to see you like this! You’ve found the person you want to spend your life with. It only gets better from here.”

(emphasis mine)

THANK YOU.

This is exactly how I have felt at times, and it is really an awful feeling.  I know the honey loves me, I know an engagement and marriage is coming, I know he is so wonderful and that we are unbelievably happy, but it's really hard not to feel that just because someone isn't quite ready, everything is all wrong.  And when you add in my previous ideas about all relationships having a given lifespan and that you can only have so many fights before it's not worth being there anymore...

It is really hard when reality is better than your fear, because it's still hard to let go of the fear.

You worry that the reality isn't as rosy as it seems, that you're a fool, that life can't be that good.  You're being naive.

But I have to remember that the reality is what is going on outside my own head.  When you're in a depression, even if it only lasts for a literal minute, it's still hard to get outside this mental illness and see that blue is not forever.

But the repercussions for not getting outside one's mental illness are too sucky to contemplate.

So I will leave this note to myself as a reminder that the world will turn, and that the reality is much better than the Debbie Downers, whether they be outside or inside.

Fudge.

So, do you remember when I bought that camera and was taking pictures of people for money?  That camera was totes state-of-the-art when I bought it.

But now, not so much.  I have been wanting a real DSLR for a few years now, but the desire has been ramping up since the quality of my pictures and, most especially, my videos, have been decreasing.

And then.

The other night, I was taking pictures of the Christmas tree to post for you here, and my camera randomly went off.  Hm.  I had just changed the batteries, so it couldn't be that.  So I opened the battery compartment and closed it to do like a hard reset.  It worked, but it happened again.  And again.  And the third time, the lens didn't auto-retract as usual.

So it would appear that my trusty ol' camera is not really doin' it anymore.  But there is SO MUCH to spend money on.  Christmas presents for others.  Paying off our glasses before free interest runs out.  And A NEW ROOF.  Which we just started a special checking account to save for.  But if Santa doesn't bring me a substititute for this thing, I may have to spring for one.  I don't know what I would do without a camera.  I guess I could always go back to film........

Completely Unrelated

On Gawker there's a link to a conspiracy "investigation" into the death of Michael Jackson.  But what interested me was the comments.

Here is one, pretty much completely unrelated to the topic, that I absolutely loved for reasons that shall shortly become clear:

"I watched a phenomenal "Frontline" documentary a few years ago on PBS that was, I believe, about six hours long, and it went into intense detail. The thing that convinced me was a digital reconstruction of what Oswald would've seen through the gun sight as he fired. I don't know quite why, but that sealed it for me.

Now the question "Who killed Kennedy?" helps me sort people into two types, along with "Can a person still be good without being Christian?" and "Is being gay a choice?"

People's answers about basic stuff like this can give a ton of insight."

Sadness, Madness, Weirdness, and Badness

We have had a death in the family.  I don't want to talk about it.  I really HATE being sad, mad, weird, cranky, blue, depressed, freaked out, scared, bummed, or deflated.  So I try really hard to avoid all that stuff wherever possible.  Which might explain why I have such a pink blog theme.  But I just wanted you to know that, this time, I have a good excuse for not posting.  I don't want to get my gross bad feelings all over you.  Be back soon!

"And Don't Forget The Fries!"

This post over at Dooce totally cracked me up.

I know, I know, this doesn't really count as a post, but whaddaya want me to do?  I had a friggin' frustrating night last night, and a frustrating morning this morning, and the house is falling apart, and people act like they've never seen snow before even though they have the OLD old license plates so I know damn well they've lived in Ohio at least fifteen years.  But my life is better than some, so I don't want to complain too much.  I try not to bitch on here when I'm in the thick of it - I just use my old friend E as a sounding board.  Good thing she's so frickin' smart and wonderful.

The GOOD news is that I bought my dad's Christmas presents last night, and he is by far the most difficult person for which to buy.  So now I think I just have the formalities left to cover for a couple of people, and then I'll be all done.

I'll tell you what, though - them bottles of Trefethen are damn lucky that I don't have a magic cork that keeps a half-bottle from going manky, 'cause I was bout ready to get INTO it last night.  Like a full-on wino.