Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Another Proud-of-Myself Moment

I don't know what's wrong (right) with me lately that I'm so pleased with myself!  So weird.

But of course I am still going to toot this horn.

Was reading an article about wedding etiquette and people are talking about gifts.  One person mentioned that a friend is marrying a man whose culture generally gives checks to the bride and groom to "cover their plate" and the bride is worried that people not from that culture will be offended.  AND, thank God, multiple people brought up the idea that you don't say ANYTHING about gifts because that's mega-tacky.

And it made me think if our li'l wedding.  We were so genuinely glad to have everyone there, especially since most people had to travel at least three hours to be there for us.  So the gifts we received were a nice bonus.

The end of the night went like this:

My dad and aunts followed us back to our house.  Hub carried me over the threshold but it was unexpected so no one got a picture.  The aunts got a tour of our house, and then I went over my dad's taxes with him because the filing deadline was during the honeymoon.  Then everyone left and we opened the cards and gifts we received.  THEN we wrote thank-you notes.  RIGHT THEN.  And I mailed them on the way to the airport.  That's right, we wrote thank-you notes on our wedding night.  I'm pretty sure we were still dressed up, too.  So we wrote thank-you notes in our wedding clothes.

Now, the credit doesn't ALL go straight to me on this.  My mom taught me right around the time of my high school graduation that if you can't thank a person in person, you write a thank-you note.  And since we weren't about to open frigging gifts at the frigging reception, we wrote them.  I was really, truly SO grateful that people even gave us gifts that my heart was bursting.

So that is today's reason why I am not a total piece of shit. :)

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Weird Proud-of-Myself Thing

You know what?  Today I am proud of myself for my foresight.

Hubs and I have been talking about what to do with this house, and yesterday were discussing whether or not any layout changes could be made to the kitchen.  (Short answer: no.)  And he had some suggestions that would be GREAT for us, but horrible for the people who will buy our house when we are ready to move.

For instance: we always eat meals on the couch.  So when we bought this condo, we knew that the breakfast bar was all we'd ever need.  We only eat there when the couch would inevitably become tikka masala-covered.  That shit STAINS like no other.

So when he made the suggestion that we push the breakfast bar further into the living area, I was like No.  Because WE think a table and a breakfast bar is unnecessary, but every frigging place we looked at in this development had both.  OTHER people think it is important to have both.  And so I don't want the next owners to be put off when they look at our place.

And so I explained it using the OTHER thing we would like to do but won't.  WE would love to rip out the closets in the master bedroom and install giant floor-to-ceiling armoires instead.  From Ikea, of course. Duh!  But the problem is this:  WE love modern-looking clothing storage, but the next people would probably be mega-creeped by it.  So I am saving us a couple-thousand (so grammatically wrong but #NO1CURR) dollars by not buying us something that we probably couldn't take with us and that the next people would ABHOR.

Although these are so frigging hot that it's making me reconsider.


Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Dee Eee Tee Eee Are Em I En Aay Tee I Oh En...

Before I met my husband, I did not have a lot of determination.  If something was too hard, I stopped doing it.  To me, it wasn't worth it to keep working on something that sucks.  For him, on the other hand, something difficult just adds to his NEED to overcome that obstacle, no matter how much it stinks to keep going.

I first realized his determination had rubbed off on me when I was gardening one evening.  I was trying to uproot a sucker that was too close to a tree using a shovel.  My hands were absolutely ripped open, my arms and shoulders hurt, and that sucka is still there to this day despite all kinds of manual and chemical attempts at botanocide.  I realized I was no longer the person who gave up.  And I'm not sure I like not being that person any more.

So yesterday I realized I wanted a place to plug my phone in the living room.  Hubs sometimes misses calls/texts because his phone is out of juice and he's plugged it in on the bedside table.  I have been running out of battery life long before bedtime lately, and leaving it plugged in on the breakfast bar just doesn't really work for me.  SO!  I decided that a little box I bought and didn't love for its intended purpose would get re-purposed as a charging station.  It is like woven paper, so I figured I could just cut a hole and Bob's Your Uncle!

I put it on the sofa table, and it looked like crap.  I needed something shorter, that didn't interfere with the other boxes on the table.  Yes, I have a box problem.  I like putting stuff in boxes so no one can see how much JUNK! you have lying around.  Cables, pills, pens, lip stuff, nail polish, all in BOXES!!

So I went to visit the love of my life, that wonderful lady dressed all in red.  And Target did indeed yield answers to my problems!  Big boxes, little boxes, fabric boxes, wood boxes!  And also possibly a fox in socks ;)

I bought two boxes and brought them home.  The first (and cheaper) one looked like yuck.  The second one, however, was kinda goin' with the vibe!  Alright alright alright.

BUT!  The hinged lid did not have quite enough space to put the cable through without the metal rubbing the cable.  And the last thing I want is to burn down our house.  So I needed a plan.  I considered moleskin wrapped around the cable and rejected it as being too bootleg.  And then I realized that I could gain some space by removing the peg that held the lid to the box, and just let it sit on top.  Glory!

So I began.  There were three hex nuts.  One on each end, and one inside the hinge mechanism.  WHY, INDIA, WHY?!?!   Laze out a little, wouldja?  The first two came off without TOO much issue, although the problem tended to be that the bolt/pin spun freely when I was trying to use needle-nose pliers to unscrew the nut.  Oh yeah, that's the other thing: I didn't have a socket that was small enough to get in there, and a regular pair of grips were too big as well.  And I only had one set of needle-nose.  So: fun!

I worked and worked and worked, getting frustrated and losing the grip on the pin a few times.  I took a break to do some laundry and again to reset my phone.  After I got the outermost nuts off, I realized that the third nut (ha ha ha haha ha) would be even worse, because there was nothing to push against and it needed to spin the opposite way.  Instead of "lefty loosey" like the other two, I had to "righty tighty" to pull the pin down through the holes so that it would unscrew from the nut.

Long story longer, it took me probably about three hours to get it all done.  Today my pad of my palm is sore from tiny turns of the needle-nose pliers.  The bolt's threaded ends are completely stripped.  But my frigging phone can now charge on the frigging sofa table in the frigging box.  And I'm pretty damn proud of that ;)

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, March 3, 2014


This blog post made me laugh out loud.


Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, February 24, 2014


This weekend my dad came to visit.  His house flooded and he wanted help picking out flooring to match his cabinets and countertops.  So we went to Lowe's!  We wandered through the flooring section, comparing and contrasting.  Then he needed to pick out drawer and door pulls, and find the ceiling fans we had looked at online.  I wanted to return the cabinet door sample to the cabinets department, so I pointed him and Hubs in the direction of ceiling fans.

I was so proud of myself; I knew right where they were in relation to where we were standing and they both looked at me, just dumbfounded, when I answered so quickly.  I blushed and said, "I come here a lot."

I know it's a weird thing to be proud of - the fact that I know where everything is at my closest blue big-box hardware store.  But there it is.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014


From Cracked:

when any obese person talks about how hard it is to lose weight, and their thin friends helpfully tell them they "just" need to watch what they eat, and "just" get a little exercise. They "just" need to win the brutal war that has exhausted every ounce of their energy, time, and emotional well-being for as long as they can remember. "And to be honest, dude, it's kind of weird that you and the other 1.4 billion obese people on Earth haven't tried that already."
I'm sure I've said this to people many times over the years, along with all of the other terrible advice on this list. So if I could go back in time, I'd tell Past David, and anyone else offering this condescending, dismissive, wet shart of an attempt at advice, to please grasp something:
The fat people you make fun of and condescend to probably have more willpower than you do.
Digital Vision./Digital Vision/Getty Images
And they look much more awesome in a headband.
That's because (and you would know this, Past David, if you were capable of pulling your head out of your own asshole long enough to grasp the idea that the universe contains beings who aren't exactly like you), in order to just stay at their weight, even if it's 300 pounds over the healthy level, they have to successfully resist the urge to eat more often than you do. Mocking them for having more fat on their body is like mocking an MMA fighter for having more bruises than you. You're not stronger, you're just living a different life.
That's because obesity physically changes the brain. The obese eat more, because they feel the urge more -- they feel it more often, and they feel it much stronger (if you want details, overweight people have 20 percent higher levels of the "hunger hormone" ghrelin and abnormally low levels of peptide YY, which suppresses the hunger urge). Their muscle tissue also burns fewer calories than yours, meaning each failure costs them twice as much. They usually gained these fat cells in childhood or adolescence, and once you have them, it is physically impossible to lose them without surgery -- dieting can temporarily shrink them, but your entire physiology will work to put them back the way they were.
I know you don't believe me, Past David, because your moral superiority has to come from somewhere, so if you want to know what it's like to be a fat person trying to lose weight, just don't eat or drink anything for the next 72 hours. Sure, you'll make it through a day. Maybe part of a second day. But soon, maybe 30 or 40 hours in, you'll understand how your power to "just" stop eating can be smashed to rubble by the body's base urges. That hunger part of your brain is much stronger, because it's also the part that regulates basic survival.
Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images
As seen in this extraordinarily thin person.
At that stage, when the starvation triggers get flipped, the thinking part of your brain will start coming up with rationalizations ("Wait, why am I suffering like this just because some Internet writer from the future told me to?"). You'll tell yourself lies to save face. But here is the undisputed truth: I could chain you up in a room with nothing but a box of live cockroaches to eat, and at some point, you will eat them. Your disgust, your self-respect, your dignity, all will eventually be obliterated by the crashing tsunami of your hunger.
And your dieting obese friend feels like that all the time.
"But I lost 15 pounds one summer just by cutting back on chips and soda and walking to work! I know what it's like!" Yes, Past David, and I know what it's like to climb Mount Everest because I have to walk up two flights of stairs to my bedroom. I'm going to get the fuck away from you before you start wondering aloud why those black people in the ghetto don't "just" get jobs, at which point I'll set your goddamned smug face on fire and ask why you can't "just" stop feeling the pain. And then I'll feel the scars spreading across my own face, because oh shit, I just forgot how time travel works.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-most-useless-pieces-advice-everyone-gives/#ixzz2sNZJeUlF

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Holy Geez, You Guys

I really don't think my problem is my appendix, but this is really scary!!!  Warning: picture of removed vestigial organ in post.


I am really freaked out by the insane number of people who are saying their doctors basically patted them on the head, told them it was their silly ladybits or their silly woman brains, and sent them home.  When I gained 50 pounds in six months for no discernible reason and my older, male doctor told me it was just my silly lady metabolism, Hubs was like, "I'm sorry, but you need to get a new doctor.  And this sounds terrible, but you need to get one who is YOUNG and who is a WOMAN."

Obviously having a girl doctor isn't a panacea, since my friend told her obstetrician that she could feel that she was dilating (sorry menz!) when she went into premature labor and her obstetrician told her that was impossible.  Gah, obstetrician lady!  Have some faith in a girl, willya?  BUT it seems like people who graduated medical school more recently are more likely to be hipped in to what's going on today, and laydee doctorz seem to be better in most cases about understanding that you're not just making it up or feeling sad because PMS.

Frightening pattern, this.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Slightly Less Tedious

Sorry, guys, had to take those last two posts down.  They were making me feel exposed and vulnerable and like I had said too much.  One reason I post much less on this blog is my increasing awareness that the internet is forever.  I am now paralyzed whenever I write, thinking about how it could come back to bite me in the ass later.

BUT.  I am reading this:


and it made me think of something.

I had an epiphany on Thanksgiving and couldn't really share it, because no one wants their Thanksgiving ruined with thoughts of rape.  But it occurred to me that the football-player frat on campus and the party-guy frat on campus actually had fewer rapists in them (according to my anecdata consisting of women I know who were raped at my college while we were there together) than the Nice Guy (TM) frats.  Frightening AND enlightening.

SO.  I have been reading all this rape stuff lately and was thinking of something that happened which I had forgotten.

During my junior year, one of my roommates was dating this guy we called Adam the Kid, because he was a freshman and she was a sophomore and he seemed so kid-like.  Generally seemed to be a nice guy.  Now, I can't remember if she was out of town, at a sorority party of her own, or passed out in our dorm.  It sticks in my head that she had gotten toasty and he had seen her home to bed, then appeared at a party that I was also attending.  This party was technically on-campus but was in a set of apartments not set in the main campus area.  It was a short walk back to my dorm, but on a back street and through a dark parking lot.

So Adam the Kid offered to walk me home!  So nice!  Such a sweet little kid!  My heart was warmed that my roommate's boyfriend considered me a friend.

But maybe you can guess where this is going.  He put the moves on me!  Gah!  What the HELL, Adam the Kid?!?!??!?!?!  Your girlfriend is my roommate for cry-eye!!

Never hung out with him again after that.  But it seemed to fit perfectly into my new perception of that frat as a whole.  Gross.

OBVIOUSLY AM NOT SAYING ALL GUYS IN THAT FRAT ARE RAPISTS.  Obviously.  In FACT, one of them was the guy I called out in the last post for refusing to sleep with me when I was too drunk for consent.  So don't freak out if you happen to read this and know the frat to which I am referring.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Bury My Heart at the Last KA-BOOM

Wonder if the glossiness takes away from the invisibility?  May have to try this out. 

I do not prime my spackle.  But I use paint plus primer, so maybe that fixes it?  But I love a good spackle product.

I will admit that we have made TERRIBLE messes when the Gorilla Glue inevitably bubbles up.  Sometimes it works to one's advantage, though.

I guarantee you the Hubs will drool when he sees that R-value rating.

This isn't really right for us, I don't think, but it is really neat!  I believe that tax credit may be expiring - you may want to check. 

Do you NEED this?  No.  Would it be cool to have?  YES. 

I have seen this in Meijer and been tempted.  Maybe the Hub will use it on the cabinets??  HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ahahahahahaahhaaaaaa.

Eventual fifties-esque horror or cool forever?  You decide!

CANNOT WAIT TO TRY THIS OUT!!!!!!!!!!  Do you KNOW how many floor plans we have tried to draw for various houses????  RIGHT NOW in my phone I have SEVERAL notes with different house and furniture measurements.  Be still my heart.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

And Yet More KA-BOOM

I am all over this.  We replaced all the bulbs in the old house with CFLs and then LEDs as those burned out.  This is great!!! 

I don't think we could have this because our heater runs off our hot water heater, but Hubs has been talking about this kind of engineering for a LONGGGGGGGG time.

Those are really fun ideas.  Don't know that I would spend that much on fun ideas, but...................... 

If this runs as long as you need, it could be really great.

I love it! 

Just downloaded this.  We will see how it goes.

Could this end my extremely bad luck with starting seedlings?  Maybe!

This thing just looks like the BUSINESS.

We prefer charcoal, but I love the idea of flicking a quarter at a propane tank :)

I had an app like this for a while, and true story: I could hear the sound.  Since this has an adjustable frequency, it might be better.  Real Fax (TM): I am losing my low, low range and both Hubs and Daddy have lost their high range.  Sometimes we all just sit around and go, "What?  What?!"

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.


THIS round is even MORE amazing!!

Say this like an Irish character from a beer commercial: "BRILLIANT!" 

Totally want one of these.  What?  Shut up!  I'm only 34, but I'm ENDLESSLY clumsy. 

Sapphire.  As useful as it is beautiful. 

You may not know this about me, but I basically can't stand to even put paint in a tray before trying it out.   GET ON THE WALL, AWESOMENESS!  This would help facilitate my impatience. 

If SOMEONE would hurry up and win the lottery, I wouldn't have to WORRY about drywall blades!!!

So amazing. 

The usefulness of this is literally endless. 

Soooooo.  My dad is taking our old house's kitchen appliances and trading us the kitchen cabinets from his "rental" house for use in our garage.  Since they are circa 1974, I think we could probably use this.  OOH!  I'LL MAKE HUBS PAINT THEM!!!!!  I mean, it's my garage too, but let's be honest here.

BRB.  Going to download this. 

OHHHHHHHHH HOW BAD DO I WANT THIS.  The amount I want this is directly proportional to the amount of COOL! that Hubs will think it is.  Luckily for us.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.


Saw a great article (slideshow, more like) today on This Old House's website.  I picked out the awesomest things to show you.  AWESOMEST!


Our addiction to diet Coke grows ever-more acceptable in the eyes of the technological world.

Yes!  This is a really cool idea.  I love IKEA's fronts, and we don't have IKEA cabinets anyway, but I am pro- anything that will let you have EXACTLY what you want in life.

Must. Find. Out. What. Metal.

Our microwave's built-in fan does not work worth a DAMN and is noisy.  I think I like this.

I mean, I would still glue it, but this seems really usable and like it will keep horribleness from invading your lungs.

Someone Plis to be buying me this.  Kthxbai.

See, this is just a smart idea.  Especially since I got that over-the-toilet etagere.  Although one presumes installation of a new toilet would be accompanied by temporary removal of said etagere ;)

'Bout to order me one of these.  And some Bon Ami.

We have been considering these for a long time.  I think they will continue to be VERY popular.

Some people in our house LOOOOOOOOOOOVE hex tile.  Some people don't.  I would be willing to allow this.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Miley Cyrus, the Unintentional "Gallant" of Halloween 2013

Say it with me, folks, in your best movie trailer announcer voice:

"IN A WORLD....where "stars" and plebes alike commit racial folly by dressing in blackface for Halloween..."

So, I'm sure you've heard that Julianne Hough dressed as a character from "Orange is the New Black" for Halloween and decided that blackface and faux Bantu knots were perfectly appropriate for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed American girl.  As the blast receded, people have begun expressing ultimate shock that Miley Cyrus, who could never be considered the poster child for well-reasoned judgment, had chosen her Halloween costume somewhat more wisely:


Sometimes, it seems, people in America are either intentionally or unintentionally ignorant about the effect that their privilege has on their lives, and decide to splash out! and play a brown person for a night.  Or a "red" person, or a "yellow" person...  But this is a VERY, VERY bad idea.  It is cruel to make light of one's privilege by imitating a subjugated people.

And ESPECIALLY if the people in question killed the other people in question with pox-ridden blankets.

So allow me to pat myself on the back for a moment and tell you this story about another Good Idea / Bad Idea.

One Thanksgiving-time we were invited to a potluck.  The invitation exhorted us to dress as either an "Indian" or a "Pilgrim".  Disgusted, we did not deign to dress up at all.

Upon arriving at said party, the hostess' mother asked us why we hadn't dressed up.  I stated that I was dressed up as an "Indian", because I am part Blackfoot and part MicMac.  (I know, I know, even bringing that up kind of makes me a privileged asshole.)

And to make matters EVEN MORE racist, the imperturbable mom-type said, "Oh, I never thought of that!  Of course they look just like us!"



To Sum Up:

Please do not compound your original racism by further delineating the chasm between "us" and "them".  And please, for the love of all that is holy, do not make yourself up as a person with a different skin color from you.  PLEASE.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Science Says It's False, But It's True!

Have you heard the one about the full moon?  During a full moon, nurses, hospitals, police officers, and nursing home workers seem to experience a marked increase in breakouts, accidents, and just general human weirdness.  Ask a cop.  I have never met a cop or EMT who didn't believe that people act crazier when it's a full moon.

But according to studies, there is no significant uptick in these incidents during a full moon.  But, but, but... It happens.

And then there's watch-stoppers.  People who can't wear watches because they constantly die on them. I am one of those people.  I once had a brand-new watch stop and sent it to Fossil to have them replace the battery.  It came back to me and promptly died again.  I realize that story doesn't make a strong case.  But trust me when I tell you that I can no longer wear cute, cheap watches because they constantly stop on me.  This had all changed when I bought a nice watch from an actual jewelry store.  For ten years, my watch worked like, well...you know.  And then the battery died.  But the PROBLEM is that it needs to be mailed to the manufacturer to have the battery replaced.  Before I could mail it in, it got stolen.  Thanks, boogellers!!  So I bought a new one.  October 29, 2012 - which means it was one of the first things I bought with my insurance reimbursement for the theft.  I put it on the other day, and noticed that it wasn't keeping time.  WTH?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?  Fortunately, Overstock seems to be working on a resolution.  But if even quality-brand watches don't help, what hope do I have?!

In an attempt to try to find an explanation for this, I took to the nets.  And found an article that stated that this is NOT a real thing.  See, the popular explanation is that some people emit electromagnetic impulses that interrupt the watch's function. But if that were true, the article says, a watch-stopper wouldn't be able to use a computer because if it's strong enough to ruin a watch, it'll ruin everything else too.  Now, my theory had always excluded magnetism and solely included electrical impulses.  Since our bodies run on electrical impulses, I presumed that some people's impulses interrupted mechanical functions sometimes.  I will have runs where nothing electrical works for me.

But no matter; all the watch-stoppers are just as wrong as all the cops, nurses, EMTs, and elder care workers.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Disgusting Human Being Alert

The below discussion about a sex offender may be VERY VERY triggering.  Please feel free to skip this post.  I wanted to share my thoughts as a survivor of sexual assault.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

OMG Love

This totally cracked me up.  Especially when the dog comes in.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Friday, August 9, 2013

All I am saying is that Guerlain's crazy Maxi Lash mascara is totally worth it even though it costs THIRTY DOLLARS.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Life in the O.Hi.O.

Like the LBC, but probably not at all like that.

As I have remarked to many Ohioans, the weather is different here than any place I've ever lived.  In Iowa, if it snows on Monday, generally you can count on it snowing Tuesday and Wednesday too.  In Colorado, it can be seventy degrees in February and then snow two feet that night and drop down to twenty below.

Here, on the other hand, we can have a winter that consistently has sixty-degree days, and a week in the middle of summer that feels like fall.  Yesterday it was in the sixties, and it was amazing.  The sky was clear, the air smelled awesome, and we didn't all stink up the joint with the raging, horrible heat like we all had a few weeks ago.  Like, "Yes.  Thank you, Ohio, I will take 60 over 105!"

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Monday, July 8, 2013

It's Getting There...

I made this!  Got the idea from Etsy and made a lacquer box of my own.  I went with a ray, but I picked up a few other items at the rock store, so WATCHITNAOW, you might get one for the Xmasssssss.  Got the lacquer box from an organization store and used Loc-Tite gel superglue to attach the li'l ray.  It pleases me.

Since there is only one overhead fixture in the living area, I needed to add more light.  We have one can light between the chaise and the breakfast bar, which is clearly not enough.  Once we get the sofa table finished, there will be a table lamp over by the hubbin's section of the sectional ;)  So the dark corner will be fixed.  Luckily, one outlet is attached to a wall switch, so I hooked up these lights and now we have an easy way to add more light.  We both HATE those outlets-connected-to-light-switches, but whaddaya gonna do?  Gotta work with whatcha got.  Also, I don't know if I mentioned it, but I built that TV stand.  Because I am AWESOME.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


AND now I have that song stuck in my head...

My hair was driving me nutty.  I was growing out my sling bob with bangs, and it was almost long enough for a small low ponytail.  And it was driving. me. nuts.

So I took the plunge and got it cut!!!

Tonight, 6 PM.

Tonight, 10 PM!

The inspiration.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013


SOOOO I found my new favorite website for shaking with laughter and crying from utter amusement.



Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.


I must admit that my day has gotten immensely better in the past nine hours, but here is a list of things that happened to me this morning that reminded me that it was, indeed, Tuesday and that anything I attempt on this day of the week is doomed from the start.

  • I had two bouts of (pardon my unforgivable overshare, internet) diarrhea and could very easily have had a third, except;
  • They made me late enough that I couldn't take the dog out for his after-breakfast constitutional; 
  • I didn't have anything to bring for lunch;
  • As I got into my car, I realized there was some sort of weird fly on the driver's side window.  As I rolled forward out of my garage (!!!!!!), I rolled the window down to shoo it out.  It flew, of course, into my face instead.  I swatted it toward the open window and looked back to see that what I was doing with my other hand (trying to close the garage door) had been unsuccessful.  In frustration, I dropped my left hand into my lap, which left half a dead fly on my work pants.  I hadn't realized that I had killed it until I was in a place with no anti-bacterial gel with which to cleanse myself; and finally
  • My hair fell.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Eyes for Lies Blog: Advertising Deception and the Magic of Photoshop

Eyes for Lies Blog: Advertising Deception and the Magic of Photoshop

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Cliche, But I Can't Get Past

Pick your cliche: 
  1. The person who goes on vacation and comes back ranting about how that place like, totally changed them, man.  Soon after our return from Belize, you may remember, our house was burgled and some very important stuff was stolen.  I am most saddened by the loss of my jewelry, as can be keenly felt in this blog post: Not only the expensive stuff, like the tanzanite ring, but moreso the personal heirlooms, including the $9 paste-and-pot-metal Mother's Pin that belonged to my dad's mom.  All my Coach and Kate Spade purses were left alone, and the loss of the more precious things, combined with the need for practicality in Belize, made me want to sell almost all of them.  ("Almost" all of them?  Well, let's not get nuts.)  The first morning we were in country, it poured down rain and then a fire extinguisher went off in our boat's cabin.  I was SO glad I got a faux leather woven bag from Target instead of bringing one of my leather bags.  'Cause, let's face it: yeah, cows are outside all the time, but fine leather goods were not meant to be exposed to wind, water, sand, and sun constantly.  There's a reason most Vuitton luggage is coated canvas.  So I sold several bags and some wallets to a fellow Coach aficionado.  I'm practically a freegan!  I have noticed, too, that since we fell in love with Ambergris, I am saying to myself more and more, "Well, I won't need/want/use that in Belize..."  Cork stiletto sandals, fancy dresses, etc.  This trend started long ago, but my shedding of my false selves presented through clothes is accelerating based on wanting to be comfortable in paradise.  
  2. The person who goes on vacation and suddenly wants to retire there.  We are planning to retire to Ambergris, like talking-to-my-dad's-Edward-Jones-guy-and-everything planning it.  SO cheesy.  To go from being tourists to talking of living there feels condescending, like we wonderful Americans are bestowing a great honor upon your tiny country by being willing to live there full-time.
  3. The person who cannot stop frantically trying to get back to that place.  For this I am thinking specifically of Jack from "LOST", trying to get back to the island.  I dreamt I was back in Belize last night, like the second Mrs. DeWinter, only I felt joy instead of gothic horror.  We are planning to go back again this year.  And even though I've told the husband that I don't want this to preclude our travel to other places, and even though he agreed, there is only so much money for travel to go around.
  4. The tourist who thinks they're a local.  My family lives on islands in Maine, so I am intimately familiar with all the bitching that goes on about "summer people", and have even heard someone who never resided there talking about how all the summer people want to be islanders and then start bitching about the summer people - "Lock the clubhouse door, now that you've let us in."
  5. The tourist who thinks they are doing the locals a favor.  One of my fellow Jennifers, Ms. Aniston, is said to be this kind of person.  One finds it hard to believe that her vacations in western Mexico are doing as much for the local people as, say, the work her ex did in New Orleans.  It always feels White Man-ish to talk about how wonderful Belize is - hitting all the notes about how friendly the people are, and gushing about how relatively safe it felt.  I feel condescending and also like a wandering hippie.    
BUT!  Feeling like a bougie jerk is not going to stop me from trying to get back here:
The place we stayed is at the bottom center of the pic, just above the jetty by the copyright.

I mean honestly.

Disclaimer: My opinions are solely my own; they are not necessarily those of anyone else with whom I associate.